I started this blog with the intention of posting photos that I took with every post and not boring you with too many words. This one I am glad I don't have photos and I kinda wish I didn't have the words!
So...a little back story...Megan and I are watching Briana and Adam's puppy Buju while they are on vacation. We cruise over to their place a few times a day, walk the pup, feed her, love her up and what have you. They live a few blocks away and the intersection at their place is a weirdo hot bed. We have our share of weirdos...but it seems like every night we cruise by there is always some shady character or two cruising around. Tonight was the topper at least I hope it was...cus I don't want to see any more then I did tonight.
Earlier in the evening Megan and I walked Buju, tucked her into her kennel and decided to go grab pizza after. We went to Bronx ordered a pie and walked down to CJ's for a few cocktails to wait out the cook time. Strolled back, nabbed our pizza, went home, grubbed, watched TV, had a few beers and started getting sleepy.
I reminded Megan we needed to walk Buju one more time so she'll be good for the morning. Meggy wanted to go but she was super sleepy. So I just grabbed my mountain bike and rode over to their place. SOOOO glad she didn't make the trek...and SUPER glad we didn't walk like we were planning on doing!
So it's Midnight-ish...I am on my merry way there cruising on my bicycle and I startle a man that is doing who knows what on a set of stairs wearing a parka jacket and no pants. I shake my head and continue on.
I get to Buju's place, take her for a quick walk, she handles her business, take her back inside, kiss her good night and head out. As I am walking down the stairs of their place I see the same pantless man scurrying around all crackhead\cockroachesque. Hiding behind cars, trees and walls and just generally being super fucking sketchy. The crazy part is the dude came from the complete opposite way...like the WAY long way around to be headed in the direction he was in. Especially surprising due to the fact that he was not wearing any pants...Fucker must have been fast....Maybe we can chalk it up to less wind resistance sans pants.
I am watching him creep around in front of their place...and he starts crossing the street and he must of had eyes in the back of his head he spots me watching him. FREAKING GREAT...he runs across the street looking back at me every other weirdly ran step...gets to the corner and starts peeking out from some bushes that pretty much just cover his head and shoulders...and I can still see the whole lower half peeking out at me.
So I am standing there in a stare off with a pant deficient man trying to plan out my next move...do I call the cops? Do I take my pants off? I pretty much have to ride right by the dude to get home. PAUSE.
As I am typing this I remembered that I did notice a lone pair of pants chilling in the flower bed where Buju handles her business earlier in the week. Maybe he was looking for them. UNPAUSE.
I feel kind of bad because this is where the big crazy highlight of the story should be...but it's really not that exciting. I hop on my bike start heading towards the man and I decide to yell the first thing that comes to my mind, "Hey you fucking stupid fucking mother fucker put some fucking goddamn pants on or get your fucking dumb ass the fuck inside!" Very rational and to the point. Mother fucker takes off running and not down the sidewalk...through every bush, plant and tree along the side of this fence. It sounded like someone barreling through a corn field...which couldn't of felt good on his stripped down lower half. And then he just disappeared into the night.
Kinda like Matt Forte after running all over the NY Giants defense last week...disappearing right into the end zone...but without pants and a handsome uniform.
So I hauled ass home just waiting for him to pop out of nowhere all weird lizard head moving cracked out crazy. But I never saw him...I think we went opposite ways.
Now I know we aren't in the most normal of locations and for most large cities things like this are common...but this really caught me off guard and creeped me the fuck out. So glad Meggy didn't have to witness that one! I thought for sure I was going to have pantless man nightmares...none yet...I will keep you posted.
Put pants on you fucking weirdos! Or just stay the fuck inside and be a weirdo on your own damn time!